Financial Storm: Why Not Throw A Party

Earl, the hurricane traveling up the East Coast, is due to arrive tomorrow night.  People are scurrying around battening down the hatches, pulling out boats and making new plans to spend the first part of the weekend indoors.  The weather men and women have us all frightened about the storm with the exception of my husband.  This morning he exclaimed, “I guess we are having a storm party Friday night!” 

I used to think he was crazy.  Sitting outside while watching thunder storms in the summer and watching the weather report with glee when a storm approached.  However, after 18 years his philosophy has rubbed off on me.  Why not treat a storm like a happy occasion to be celebrated?  It makes it a lot less anxiety provoking and more fun.  Besides you really can’t change the weather can you?

Yes, your current reality about Earl, life, or money can look very different if you shift your perspective.  Change is going to happen.  Money like weather is going to ebb and flow, with different pressure systems exerting themselves at different times.  You can fight it and be miserable.  Or you can take on another perspective – the fun, curious one.  What is this financial storm teaching me?  What conversations can I have with my loved one about this experience?  How might we grow closer as a result of this unexpected event?    

So the next time you run into a financial storm, view it as an opportunity to try something new.  Take it on as a challenge to be faced, an event to wonder at or a celebration that you are learning more about your relationship with money.  

Do you celebrate a change in your financial weather pattern?  If not, how are you willing to try going forward?  If so, then share your party plans. 

Remember take time to celebrate that life is full of unexpected changes in weather. Hey, anyone can have a sunny cookout on Labor Day, but how many people do you know that throw a storm party?  Hello Earl!

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Boys Are Smarter Than Girls At Math

This myth lives on loud and clear in our youth.  At a recent trip to Thomas College in Maine, I discovered that most 18 years olds believe this statement to be true.  Click this link:  My Visit To Thomas College to listen to my experience.  And remember when you listen to it that it was a lonely 4 hour drive to the school!

Do you want to help debunk this myth?  Here are a few ways to get started:

Take an interest in learning more about finance: Read books, articles and websites that talk about money and finance and cater to helping women build financial confidence.  I highly recommend new book called A Woman’s Worth by Eleanor Blayney.  Websites such as Girls Just Wanna to Have Funds, Mint and Feed The Pig are also great resources.

Teach a young girl in your life about math and money.  Calling all dads, uncles and brothers!  Talk to your daughters, neices and sisters about math, science and finance.  You may be surprised that she may actually be interested.  One of my favorite memories as a 10 year old is balancing the checkbook with my father.  I liked math and found it fun.  Geeky but true!

Learn about wealth psychology and start talking about money with others.  Very soon my new workbook, Creating Wealth from the Inside Out Workbook, will be published.  It contains simple, easy-to-use activities to help you explore and change your relationship with money.  Why not put a group of your female friends together and do an exercise each month and discuss it as a fun way to learn about finance.  Better yet, include the spouses!  Men need to learn this stuff too and are half the equation when it comes to changing a woman’s financial experience in the world.

What you do you think?  Are boys smarter than girls at math?  If so, what evidence do you have?  If not, why not?  What ideas do you have about helping college students see the truth – women are just as smart as men!

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The Classic Under Earner: Penny

Here is an excerpt from my new book Creating Wealth from the Inside Out Workbook.  If you identify with Penny, it may be time to pick up a copy and learn how to let go of money beliefs that are sabotaging your ability to make more money and enjoy life.  Click here for details about the book and how to save 40% off the retail price by placing an advanced order today.

The Classic Under Earner:  Penny

Penny is a perfect example of someone who lives in the land of scarcity.  She is a social worker from a working class family and grew up watching her parents really struggled financially.  Her family money message was “Hard work and perseverance eventually pays off.”  Her father died before he reached his pay off and her mother is still working six days a week to make ends meet.

Penny went to college and received a graduate degree in social work.  She got married in her thirties, had one child and soon after, started her own private therapy practice.  She loves helping people, but is frustrated with her lack of income and feels victimized by the health care system.  At times, she secretly gets angry with her wealthier clients believing that people from affluent families are greedy and self-centered. Penny works hard in her practice, is angry about her financial situation, but takes no action to change her circumstances.

Like a lot of people in the helping professions, Penny is a classic example of an under earner living in the land of scarcity.  Her attitude toward wealth results in her not charging more for her services, not being creative in how she runs her business and feeling stuck and destined to work hard while hoping for a big payoff.  A payoff that is highly unlikely to come to fruition with her current money mindset.

So how can you avoid Penny’s fate?  By recognizing and acting on situations that will bring money and wealth your way and letting go of old money scripts.  To break the shackles of under earning you need to cultivate an abundance attitude. 

Are you an under earner?  If so, what thoughts are blocking you from wealth?  If not, describe your attitude about money and how it helps you get paid what you are worth?

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What is Financial Therapy and How Can It Help You?

There is a growing field called financial therapy that is filled with dedicated professionals (including me) who want to help you have a peaceful and productive relationship with money.  As with any new field of study or practice, it can be confusing to understand what a financial therapist does, how one can help you and how to select a professional that is qualified to do this work.  

Financial Therapy Defined

Financial therapists have the skills, training and expertise to play a vital role in helping you handle financial stress, uncover emotional roadblocks to wealth accumulation and assist in estate planning and wealth transfers.  To date, there is no official certification for financial therapists, though the newly-formed Financial Therapy Association is dedicated to examining this issue and conducting research to support the work being done in this field.   

How a Financial Therapist Can Help

A financial therapist can help you in a variety of ways.  Here are just a few examples:

Reduce your financial stress.  Financial stress is at an all time high in the United States due to the current economic situation.  Many people are worried and fearful about their financial security and that of their children.  Financial therapy is a great way to learn more about how your current mindset impacts your emotional and financial well-being.  By shifting this mindset, you can reduce stress, increase life satisfaction and learn to use money as a tool.  

Increase your financial literacy and confidence.  A financial therapist can provide you with basic training in money management and referrals to courses, books and resources that will improve your financial literacy and ultimately improve your financial confidence.  It is true that knowledge is power.  And when you know more about how money works, you will be able to feel more in control of your future and more confident about making wise financial decisions. 

Improve your relationships with money. Everyone has a relationship with money that starts at a very early age.  This relationship is often the most neglected one in your life.  And when important relationships are not nurtured and cared for dysfunctional patterns emerge.  Overspending, addiction to debt and money avoidance are just a few examples of how this relationship can go sour.  A financial therapist can treat these issues and help you live an emotionally and financially conscious life, free of these money disorders. 

Increase your money conversations skills.  Talking about money and finances is often a taboo subject in many families and business environments.  This silence can result in divorce or business partnerships going defunct.  A financial therapist can teach you how to engage in effective financial conversations with loved ones, business partners, clients and other professionals.  Believe it or not, talking about money openly reduces stress and brings loved ones and business partners closer. 

Increase your income potential.  One of the keys to earning more money is having a good working relationship with it.  A financial therapist can help you look at your earnings history, examine your money thoughts and beliefs and how they impact your income and work with you to change your money mindset to create more wealth in your life. 

How to Select a Financial Therapist

A variety of consultants work in the field of financial therapy.  Some are credible and some offer get rich quick schemes that are ultimately aimed at making the consultant rich as opposed to help you with your money psychology.  Buyer beware!  It is important that you select a financial therapist carefully.

Below are some questions to ask when interviewing a potential financial therapist:

Are you licensed or credentialed in your professional discipline?   Psychologists, social workers and counselors hold state licenses in their respective fields and sometime work as financial therapists.  Money coaches or wealth coaches can get accredited from the International Coaching Federation based on experience level but they may not have a mental health degree.  Being credentialed demonstrates a commitment to be highly trained in the profession and it is important that your consultant has a firm foundation in psychology and success as a behavioral change specialist.

What experience do you have working with in this field?  Due to limited formal training available for financial therapists, most consultants learn about this field from working with financial advisors and clients through self-study and on-the-job training.   Make sure you inquire about previous experience collaborating with wealth managers, finanical planners, and their clients around wealth issues.  Also having a blend of financial knowledge and counseling skills is ideal.  Look for something similar to my background – experience in retail banking and working as a commissioned FDIC bank examiner AND twenty years working as a counselor helping people make lasting behavioral change.  One without the other means you will may be hiring someone without all the necessary skills to help you reach your goals.

Do you work as a member of a team?  In order to best serve you, a financial therapist should work as a member of a team.  By doing so, he or she can connect you with other financial services professionals to meet your many needs for education, service and support in this area.  While I am a great coach, I am not a banker, a financial advisor or a accountant.  Regularly, I connect my clients with high quality professionals in these disciplines.  This becomes the clients “financial dream team” and one that allows him or her to reach financial goals and dreams more quickly.

Hiring a financial therapist is a great way to examine your relationship with money, to remove emotional road blocks that keep you from reaching your financial goals and to figure out how you can live a wealthier life.  

What questions do you have about financial therapy?  Do you get confused between the terms money coach, wealth coach (the term used at KBK Wealth Connection) and financial therapist?  What else would you like to know about this growing field?

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KBK’s Top 10 Songs About Money

Today I skipped out of work and visited with my 79 year old mom.  We had breakfast together, went shopping and then ended up at the beach.  It was a nice day but lets say that put me behind schedule for my Tuesday blog. 

As I sat on the beach anticipating writing this blog, I started thinking of all the songs about money.  Here is what I came up with: 

1. For the Love of Money – O’Jays (The Apprentice TV Show Theme Song)

2. Money, Money – Liza Minelli (Caberat)

3. Money for Nothing – Dire Straits

4. Money, Money, Money – ABBA

5. She Works Hard for the Money – Donna Summers

6. Money Changes Everything – Cindi Lauper

7. Money – Pink Floyd

8. Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems – Notorious B.I.G. featuring Puff Daddy & Mase

9. Money, That’s What I Want – Barrett Strong

10. If I had $1,000,000 – Barenaked Ladies

I wonder how these songs have influenced our money psyche.  How do you think each song about money that comes from a particular time period impacted that generation’s  money scripts?  Also what songs did I miss that influenced your life?

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Curiosity Pays When You Negotiate Fees

Yesterday, I was talking to a colleague about how to best negotiate a consultant fee with a potential new client. While I offered my usual suggestions on being confident, valuing yourself and making sure you communicate that value to the customer, I also stressed the importance of curiosity.

Curiosity is defined as a state in which you want to learn more about something. This is the place where your head is filled with questions and each answer given sparks another question to ask. When you are curious you just can’t get enough information. A great example is a young child exploring the world and constantly saying, “What is this mommy?” “Why is that daddy?” and “How come?”

As a professional, you need to get curious before you share your price. Too many consultants rush to give an answer to the what is your fee inquiry without doing the research needed to really understand the scope and the value he or she is providing to the client.  If you fall into that camp then you are leaving money on the table!

An example of some questions to ask include:
1. Why me?
2. Who else are you talking to?
3. What do you hope to accomplish?
4. What problem do you want to solve?
5. How do you see me solving it?
6. If it was solved, what would that look like to you?
7. What makes solving this problem important to you personally?
8. Who has the authority to write my check and can I talk to this person?
9. What metrics are you using to measure my success?
10. What else should I know that you have not shared with me yet?

This type of curious inquiry will provide you with vital information about what you are being asked to do and the value of your contribution to the client. So the next time someone asks you your fee say “I would be happy to provide that information but first let me get a little curious.”

Trust me, being inquisitive will pay off every time.

What do you say when someone asks you for your fee? How does it feel? How effective is your strategy? How does this impact the results of your negotiations?

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Book Review: So Sexy, So Soon

At what age are you too young to be a consumer?  According to book,So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids by Diane E. Levin, Ph.D. and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D, the advertising industry thinks you can never be too young.    Listen to the following audio blog to find out my thoughts on the book and how advertising to toddlers influences our relationship with money and self-worth well into adulthood.


MP3 File

After listening, what do you think the impact is on kids who are marketed to so young and in such sexualized ways? Do you think the authors are overreacting or right on target? What action will you take after listening to this audio book review?

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Top 5 Tips for Talking to Clients About Money

If you attended the teleclass yesterday, thank you for participating! As promised, the Top 5 Tips for Talking to Clients About Money are listed below.  Also for those who missed the call or want to hear it again, here is the audio:


MP3 File

1. Examine and understand your money scripts.

We all have thoughts and beliefs about money and its purpose in the world called money scripts. These scripts influence our perspective in any financial conversation and are often not in our conscious awareness. It is vital to identify your money scripts when talking with a client about money. By knowing your money scripts you will be in a better position to calmly and rationally discuss fees and other financial arrangements.

2. Listen to what your client is NOT saying.

Your client also has money scripts that influence his or her viewpoint in a money discussion. Most people are not aware of these financial thoughts and beliefs so it is your job to listen carefully to what the client is not saying to uncover them. If you work in a capacity (financial advisor, estate attorney, mental health professional) where you can directly ask a client about money scripts, make sure you do. If not, then tune into your client’s money scripts as this will help you negotiate and talk about money more productively.

3. Talking about money with clients is not a sword fight.

If you go into a money conversation with the goal of winning then you are bound to lose. This strategy is often employed in business and results in both parties being anxious, angry and often left not getting their needs met. The goal of any financial conversation should be to gain an understanding your client’s viewpoint and to express your viewpoint. Put the swords away and simply talk openly about money. The goal is not to win, lose or totally agree. It is to come to a consensus that works for both parties.

4. Use your “wise mind” in money discussions.

The “Wise Mind” is a Buddhist principal based on the concept that each of us has a rational side and an emotional side to our brain. The “Wise Mind” is the part of the brain where the two intersect. The most prudent money conversations are made when both minds are considered and the balance between the two, or the “Wise Mind”, is used in the final analysis.

5.Practice, not perfection.

Everyone struggles when it comes to talking about money because it is an emotional and often taboo subject. Give yourself credit for having a financial dialogue with your client, even if it does not go perfectly. I promise – practice does make it easier!

How are these strategies working for you? What is missing from the list? What have you tried that didn’t work at all? What were your greatest victories in talking about money with clients in the past year?

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Reaching Your Financial Summit

This is a 3 minute video about my hike up Mt. Mansfield and what I learned about myself on the trip.  The major take aways that can be applied to your relationship with money include:

1. Be determined to reach your goals.

2. Use positive self-talk to step outside your comfort zone (but not too far!).

3. Remember you get to determine what is “your summit”.

What has hiking or another summer sport taught you about your finances?

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What Camping Can Teach You About Money

This weekend I am going camping with my husband up North.  I am excited as I love camping – the peace and quiet, the lack of mass media, and the time together laughing, cooking, and just hanging out. 

This morning I finished packing the car and realized that what fit into my Subaru was all I really needed to survive in life.  While our camping trip is only lasting a few days, we could, in theory, live with what is in that small car!  We would need to buy food every once in a while, but other than that we could make it. 

Like most Americans we have a bunch of stuff we really don’t need to be happy and healthy in the world.  While I love my home office, do I really need an additional 1,000 square feet to write this blog?  I enjoy my closet full of clothes but do I really need all those outfits?  It is nice to come home and be able to sit on the couch in the living room or the sofa in the family room, but do I really need to have two couches to get some rest?

I wonder what life would be like if we invested our money using the same guidelines as we do when we pack for camping?  We would have less stuff; however, all of it would be more valuable.   

Here are the KBK rules of packing:

1. Only pack what you need.  This is a great lesson to apply to how you think about spending money.  Most of what we purchase falls in the category of “I want” versus “I need”.  When camping needs come first and wants are secondary and often left at home.  I need my pillow.  I want the second bathing suit in case I get too wet.   

2. Every item must be multipurpose.  A knife can be used to cut cheese or become scissors in a pinch.  A plastic cup holds beer, flowers for a centerpiece, or utensils.  I wonder how many things we would not purchase if they had to pass the multipurpose test.  Those pink suede shoes in my closet come to mind!

3. You can only bring what fits in the car.  When I moved out of my parents’ house into my first apartment, I laughed because all my belongings fit in my Honda Civic.  By the time I moved out of that apartment, I needed a moving van to bring all my stuff to my next home.  And if I moved again, I fear I might need two large moving vans!  It makes you think about the simplicity of your early 20s and how you probably had what you needed.   You just thought you didn’t. 

The next time you go to the mall take a moment to stop and ask yourself, does this purchase pass the camping test?

What is your favorite item to bring camping?  Does it fit the above guidelines?  How do you determine what is worth investing in and what gets left behind of the store shelves?

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  • “Oh my God … my mind totally shifted when I listened to your CD and I thank you for that!! I had a presentation last night and I felt totally empowered and fine ‘asking for money’. Gwen Morgan, Author, The What If Workbook

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