Couples and Money

Money Mom: How Can I Stop Fighting With My Boyfriend About Our Bills?

By | Couples and Money, Financial Psychology | No Comments

couples and moneyCharlotte Cowles, Money Mom, responded to this question from a reader and asked for my advice in the process. You see, the reader is in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend and due to an unexpected change in his career, the couple is not seeing eye-to-eye about how to split expenses. The reader currently makes more than her boyfriend and when they sit down to do bills together, they end up in an argument because of different money mindsets about what should be paid and when.

It was an honor to be asked for my take on this situation and for Money Mom to include my advice in her column. I recommended that the reader break money silence with her significant other and develop a flexible strategy for addressing these concerns based on changes in their life situation. It is good advice for us all to adhere to. By checking in with each other at various points, couples can talk about spending, saving, and be sensitive to different money mindsets and anxieties either might have towards money.

How do you handle spending, saving, and splitting expenses when either your or significant other makes considerably more than the other?

You can read the article here.

Myth: I don’t have to talk about finances before getting married.

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Julie Lawrence, CFP®, Lawrence Financial Planning, LLC

Not talking about money is the number two reason couples divorce according to But couples who discuss money matters regularly act as a team and report greater levels of satisfaction with their partners. In today’s episode, Kathleen and Julie Lawrence, CFP®, examine the myth that couples don’t need to talk about finances before getting married. Listen in and learn some tips for talking about money with your honey!

Key Take Aways:

  • Julie shares how she facilitates the telling of each partner’s money biography (consisting of a list of open-ended questions) and how this strategy helps the couple she works with discover their respective money mindsets.
  • Communicating honestly about your saving and spending behaviors can be challenging. But doing so can really help partners understand each other. You may not change your money behaviors, but together you can commit and work toward shared couple goals.
  • Different strategies work for different money personalities. For example, if you are a spender, setting up an automatic savings withdrawal each month makes sense. If you don’t see the money, you won’t spend it!

Julie Lawrence, CFP® opened Lawrence Financial Planning in 2009. She has more than 28 years of experience in finance and management and holds a B.A. in Management from National Louis University.

Julie has been quoted in Financial Planning magazine, Investment News, NAPFA Advisor magazine, the Saint Petersburg Times,, the Chicago Tribune and She serves as a mentor for new ACP financial planners and is an active member of NAPFA.

Julie has lived in Florida since 1977. She has three children. In her spare time, she practices yoga, walks, and goes kayaking.

Breaking Money Silence® Website Launches Today!

By | Advisor Education, Couples and Money, Financial Psychology | No Comments

Selling is UndignifiedDid you know that money silence might be costing you a fortune? Whether you are an advisor, a woman, a couple, or a family, not talking about money is hurting you and your relationships. At KBK Wealth Connection, we have decided to put an end to money silence for good.

Check out the Breaking Money Silence® website and learn more about my new book, Breaking Money Silence: How to Shatter Taboos, Talk More Openly about Finances, and Live a Richer Life to be published Sept. 30, 2017. Watch the video book trailer, listen to the podcast series and download free tips sheets that will help you talk more openly in your life.

Remember, together we can break money silence for good. (Click to Tweet)

Myth: Couples don’t need to talk about money

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Dr. Dorian Mintzer, Revolution Retirement

As a child, Dori grew up recognizing different money mindsets by watching her parents’ financial habits. Couples may have a division of labor when it comes to finances; but, it is important they talk about them so they know what questions should be asked in times of crisis. Dori and Kathleen explore this myth and why it is important that couples need to talk about money and that is actually an act of love.

Take Aways:

  • Use “I” statements when talking about money
  • Ask a third person (financial advisor, banker, estate attorney, relationship or money coach) to help facilitate these conversations
  • Appreciate your partner in a money conversation (share what it was like growing up, was money talked about, what does money mean to you, etc.)

How do you honestly and openly talk about money as a couple? (Click to Tweet)

Dr. Dori Mintzer – With over 40 years of experience as a psychologist, Dr. Dorian Mintzer (Dori) is an experienced therapist, executive coach, consultant, speaker, and writer. She is the co-author of The Couples Retirement Puzzle: The 10 Must-Have Conversations for Creating an Amazing New Life Together, and co-producer of “The Career Playbook: Second Half Plays. Dori has been featured in a variety of media such as the NY Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, ABC Evening News, and the Today Show. For more information visit

Special Offer:

Virtual: The 4th Tuesday Revolutionize your Retirement Interview with Expert’s Series is at 12:00 noon eastern time and open to professionals and the public. Sign-up begins the week before each call at

To sign up for the Breaking Money Silence Podcast, click here.

5 Great Book Ideas for Father’s Day

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Here are 5 great book ideas that will make the dads on your gift list stand up and cheer.

The Feel Rich Project
By: Michael Kay, CFP®

This book is accessible and addresses what most financial books don’t – your money psychology. What I especially love is how he combines the technical side of finance (aka “numbers”) with the human side of finance (aka “feelings”).

The One-Page Financial Plan: A Simple Way to Be Smart About Your Money
By: Carl Richards

This book will help you bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to go.  Carl helps you prioritize what you really want in life and figure out how to get there by defining what is most important to you.

The Secret Language of Money
By: David Krueger

This book is a blend of cutting-edge science and real-world application, which supports you in rewriting your money story and find that intangible balance of prosperity, well-being, and happiness we all seek.

The Financial Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge: 5 Principles to Transform Your Relationship with Money
By: Ted Klontz, Brad Klontz, and Rick Kahler

Learn how to recognize the way unconscious money scripts may keep you trapped in unhealthy financial habits, and how to permanently change self-destructive money behaviors.

Raised Healthy, Wealthy & Wise: Lessons from successful and grounded inheritors on how they got that way
By: Coventry Edwards-Pitt

This is an excellent book with stories from children who survived the gauntlet of being raised with wealth and emerged happy, healthy, and productive. These illustrations allow their voices to speak with a clarity that will inspire parents faced with these challenges to help guide and steer their children on the same path.

Tips for Married Couples and Money Article

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When it comes to couples and money, partners’ mindsets don’t always match. For many couples, marriage is the beginning of a journey to a financial partnership. In Kerri Anne Renzulli’s article, 17 Essential Money Tips for Married Couples¸ I suggest sharing your family history with your partner and discussing your mindset about saving and spending.  Here are some questions to consider that are highlighted in the article:

  1. Start off easy with questions such as “What’s your first money memory?” or “How did you spend your allowance?”
  2. Move on to some in-depth questions about how your parents’ money mindsets affected your mindset about money. A good question might be “What’s the best thing your parents taught you that you want to leave behind as a legacy?”
  3. Then let the money conversation continue by asking “What family money messages do you want to keep and which ones would you like to let go of?”

Understanding your partner’s money history and mindset can help lessen the frequency and duration of money disagreements, and ultimately lead to a happier relationship.

What is the best thing your parents taught you about money? (Click to Tweet)

Be Direct and Ask About Your Client’s Feelings

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Emotionally savvy financial advisors know how to engage female clients in a meaningful way by asking direct questions. (Click to Tweet)

Advising clients around money is bound to bring up feelings from time to time. Instead of skipping over any emotional data in meetings, dive right in and ask direct questions. Wonder about what a couple may be coping with, or a client may be feeling about an upcoming decision. Facilitate a discussion about the options, and show your clients you care about more than making a transaction.

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Financial Partners Until Death Do You Part

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This blog post was originally published on SALT, April 19, 2017

My nephew Ryan is marrying his girlfriend, Whitney, the end of this month. As an aunt, I am excited to witness this young couple make a long-term commitment to each other. I just love a wedding!

But as a money and emotions expert, I know that it is important for any engaged couple to realize that marriage is a financial commitment as well. Unfortunately, one of the biggest contributors to divorce is financial conflict.

Because I love Ryan, I plan on having a little chat with him before his wedding day. Here are some highlights of what I will say. 

Work As A Team 

Too many couples fight about finances and work against each other when it comes to spending and saving decisions. My husband and I have been married for 20 years. One thing we have done well is work as a financial team, in both good times and bad. Any young couple should strive to do the same. 

Celebrate Differences 

It is unrealistic to expect that you will always agree with each other. My husband and I come from different money histories, and we needed to spend time understanding each other’s money mindsets.

Celebrate these differences, and capitalize on each of your strengths. You will be emotionally and financially stronger as a result. 

Go On Money Dates 

My husband and I go on regular money dates. During these dates, we talk about money, ask each other curious questions about our respective financial histories and mindsets, and discuss how to proactively plan for our future together.

If you’re engaged, it may seem like you have plenty of years to talk about money. But do yourself a favor and discuss money matters now. Trust me—the last 20 years passed very quickly!

What money advice would you give to an about-to-be-married couple? (Click to Tweet)

Myth: Couples need to be equally involved in managing money.

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couples managing money

Julie Littlechild, Founder, Absolute Engagement

The idea that couples don’t need to be equally involved in managing money sounds contrary to popular financial planning mindsets. Kathleen and Julie discuss what happens when both individuals in a couple are not equally involved in finances, how to handle expectations, and improve effective communications around money. Listeners walk away with tips on how to reframe the money conversation, decide who is better equipped to take the lead on execution vs. vision for finances, and how advisors can help draw both individuals into the discussion.

Julie Littlechild is a speaker, writer, and researcher. Her firm, Absolute Engagement, conducts on-going research into the drivers of personal, client and team engagement.

Julie has worked with and studied top performing financial advisors, their clients and their teams for twenty years. She is a recognized expert on driving deeper engagement and growth, the author of a popular blog. Her book, The Pursuit of Absolute Engagement, was released in January 2107. For more information, contact Julie at 

Special Announcement for Breaking Money Silence Podcast Listeners: 

Julie’s first book, The Pursuit of Absolute Engagement was released in January 2017. More information is available at where listeners can download the first chapter free.

5 Great Gifts for the Financial Professional in Your Life

By | Couples and Money, Financial Psychology, Women and Wealth | No Comments

These books are 5 great gift ideas that will make the financial planner on your gift list stand up and cheer. Since we all know that money doesn’t grow on trees, these books are perfect not only for the recipient but the gift giver. (Click to Tweet) Buy them for yourself, your family, your colleague, or your advisor.

Working with the Emotional Investor

Chris White’s book, Working with The Emotional Investor: Financial Psychology for Wealth Managers is an industry book that addresses the human side of finance. Overall, this book is full of useful tips backed by well-researched theories. Working with the Emotional Investor is easy to read and very applicable to financial advisors, wealth managers, and private wealth consultants.


The Secret Language of Money is a classic in the financial psychology field. Written by David Krueger, it is a venture into the subconscious meanings we give to money that results in our “money story.” This book is a blend of cutting-edge science and real-world application. Buy it and rewrite your money story and find that intangible balance of prosperity, well-being, and happiness we all seek.

How to Give Financial Advice to Couples

How to Give Financial Advice to Coupleswritten by yours truly, is for advisors, bankers, and wealth managers. It teaches you how to avoid common traps like subtly siding with one member of the couple, failing to plan adequately with both partners, and sidestepping difficult financial conversations for fear of upsetting the wealth creator.


Michael F. Kay, CFP® has written an accessible, smart book on finance. The Feel Rich Project addresses what most financial books don’t – your money psychology. What I especially love is how he combines the technical side of finance (aka “numbers”) with the human side of finance (aka “feelings”). The book has worksheets to complete and can be used as a stand-alone resource.


Finance Is Personal: Making Your Money Work for You in College and Beyond, is co-authored by Ann Hutchins, certified financial coach. This groundbreaking personal finance resource shows you how to manage thinking, feelings, and behavior so that you can handle your money to get what you want—not what someone else thinks you ought to have to be happy.

If you have read one of these books, how did it help you and would you recommend it to others? What books would you add to the list?